Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
