I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
