My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
