hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
