i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
