we have officially lost it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
