3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
