I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
