Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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