ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
