im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
