i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
