hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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