i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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