I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
