This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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