I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
