you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
