you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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