i may or may not be watching the land before time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
