Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
