I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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