have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
