It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
