dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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