If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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