Just fell off a train. Bad.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
