To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
