My nipple is on Facebook.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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