so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
