Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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