Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
