I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
