I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
