is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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