Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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