thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
