theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
