Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
