Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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