I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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