Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
