So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
