She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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