He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
