Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
