Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is my gift to your gina
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
