If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
