did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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