she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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