cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize