just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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